She Used to be Mine
by selizabetha01
Summary: It was only a glimpse. It could have been anyone. At least, that's what Tamsin told herself. Besides, it had been years, lifetimes even. This was a different city filled with new people who knew nothing of either of them. So what were the chances? Slim to none she hoped or, at least, that's what she told herself. / Tumblr prompt: exes meeting again after not speaking for years AU


**I've been writing this on and off for about 9 months, it was originally just a short ficlet I posted in response to a headcanon ask meme from Team-Tamsin on Tumblr so some of you might have read the first couple of paragraphs before but they've been edited heavily.  
**

 **The lyrics are from _She Used to be Mine_ by Sara Bareilles, it isn't a songfic but I realised about halfway through that the lyrics and the title fit so I put some of them in here.**

 **Warning: sickly sugary fluffiness ahead.**

* * *

 _ **She'll get stuck and be scared,  
of the life that's inside her**_

 _It was only a glimpse. It could have been anyone._ At least, that's what Tamsin told herself. The strobe-lights in the club flashed in all different directions, the whole room was obscured, and faces didn't look as they should. Besides, it had been years, lifetimes even. This was a different city filled with new people who knew nothing of either of them. So what were the chances? Slim to none she hoped or, at least, that's what she told herself.

All the same, she had to get out of this place. She couldn't let her thoughts go back there. She had blocked out that part of her life for a reason. Being alone was easier. It meant that being the hard-ass bitch no one really cared about didn't matter because you never had to care for them either. You didn't have to get hurt. Her walls were up in solid stone this time, the kind the Gods built around palaces to ensure they stood for eternity. The kind of walls around Valhalla: invisible and almost impossible to penetrate… _almost_.

Besides, surely a succubus couldn't live for as long as one Valkyrie life never mind more, especially not one who attracted as much trouble as Bo Dennis. It wasn't as though they were a common species and she'd never exactly thought to ask. Surely they were uncommon for a reason: they _died_. Something wrenched at pit of her stomach. She couldn't think of Bo dying without lives to come back with. She couldn't imagine a world without her in it, a world where she hadn't spent every second possible by her side. And yet, for the most part, she was living in that world. She had been living in that world for decades, in Valhalla, pretending the life she had left behind never existed. Thinking of the time she had spent drinking in the Dal, playing video games at the clubhouse, working out in the gym with the wolf-man all seemed like a dream to her now. Maybe calling it a nightmare would be more fitting, the type to be repressed after all the death and heartbreak.

The blonde rolled her eyes at herself. Here she was, a magnificent Valkyrie, the harbinger of death, running away from a past life because she could barely stand the grief of her relationships with the people she had come to know as her friends and family breaking down. And all the while the first and last love of all her very long lives was potentially standing across the room from her – the woman she had assisted in very nearly causing the destruction of, the woman she hadn't believed could ever exist in the first place.

Somewhere inside, Tamsin had known since she and Bo started to become something more that Bo would eventually have to make a choice. She had also known that the choice wouldn't be her and prepared herself long before it happened, even during the brief moment in time when she had let herself believe that maybe, just maybe, she had a chance. What she hadn't prepared for was for the choice to be taken away by her rising and then the emptiness that came after; the days, nights, weeks, months and years that bled into one big blur. Had her life been like this beforehand? She didn't think so. This was what it was like to find meaning and then to have it ripped away from you, making everything suddenly so meaningless again. This was what it was like to be in love with someone when it wasn't the right time for you; to have an 'almost maybe'.

 ** _Growing stronger each day,_  
 _'til it finally reminds her  
_**

She barely made it outside without enacting her powers to push through the crowds faster. She didn't want to look suspicious or draw attention to herself. The night air hit her sharply as she furiously ran her fingers through her long blonde hair, almost wishing it would tangle softly and fall to the floor as it had many times before. At least then she'd know she wouldn't have to live with this turmoil inside her for much longer.

"Tamsin?!" A breathless voice she hadn't heard in far too long called from behind her.

She spun around before she'd even had a chance to process what she was doing. After all this time, gravitating towards that one voice was still her body's natural reaction. Everything around them seemed to go still as their eyes locked. _It_ was _her._ The one person Tamsin had prayed both to see every day and never have to see again was walking towards her in the middle of a bustling street at 1am outside a dark fae club in New York, a place she had come to in the hopes of keeping her anonymity.

Silently, she cursed Acacia for keeping her alive. After she had risen, the older Valkyrie had decided she needed a second in command, someone she trusted to be unafraid to show the younger generations of Valkyries the true extent of their powers, unlike Freyja had been. She was unable to have all her duties reinstated however; she had lived her lives and served her purpose. There would be no more searching for fallen warriors worthy of entering Valhalla but as a mentor she would be able to move through realms at will. She had chosen not to for this reason, until Acacia had all but thrown her out, telling her to, "get your bony ass out of here, and quit whining."

As soon as Bo got close enough to Tamsin to talk without having to shout across the music that was still booming and the drunken laughter of the people around them, she opened her mouth in an attempt to say something else but words seemed to fail her. Tamsin, on the other hand, made no attempt to speak or move though her green eyes never left the brown ones.

How were you supposed to react when you saw the person you had exposed your heart and soul to, only to be shot down and left what felt like completely alone until the point where you passed on then suddenly mattered even though it was too late? It wasn't as if there was a sentence that could adequately cover how much that had hurt you or how so completely over it you were. She had never been much of a hugger, so that was out of the equation too. A handshake was definitely too informal and she was in no mood to smile politely as if nothing had ever happened between them.

She turned her back and ran her hands through her hair for a second time in exasperation, her lips pursed together.

"I'm sorry," Bo found her voice when she was no longer being pinned back by unwavering eyes. She sounded as if she was trying to be sincere but truthfully had no idea how she was supposed to react to this either.

"I need a drink," Tamsin called back and set off at a brisk pace down the street to find a quieter bar without looking to check whether or not the brunette was following. If she had to deal with fake niceties and Bo's ever virtuous hero complex, she was going to need more alcohol.

 _ **To fight just a little,  
to bring back the fire in her eyes**_

Of course Bo was following, with her incessant need to people please. Tamsin turned into the first bar she saw with empty seats and ordered four tequila shots as Bo lifted herself onto the stool next to her. She tried to school her features into a deeper scowl but found it difficult after Bo tried to take one of the shots placed before them.

Tamsin's hand immediately came out to slap Bo's away from her drinks.

"What, you're not gonna share?" The darker haired woman's eyebrows raised and it would have been all too easy to fall back into their old tit for tat routine.

"Are you?" Tamsin mirrored Bo's expression, only half joking. Tamsin focused her attention on downing two of the shots before asking, "How's Lauren?"

This time, when Bo reached out for a shot, Tamsin allowed it.

"Dead," Bo replied shortly, almost expecting to see Tamsin's face light up in joy or for her to pretend she hadn't spoken. Instead, she slid the final shot across the bar, still refusing to make eye contact, however.

Bo's tone had implied there would be no further discussion on the matter but Tamsin's raised brows demanded otherwise.

The blonde ordered them two more drinks as Bo toyed with the now empty shot glass in her hands. "What happened?"

"Old age," Bo shrugged as if it didn't bother her but it was clear that it did. "She got old and died but she was happy." She smiled sadly, looking up at the blonde, carefully watching her expression. "We were happy." It was a difficult subject to broach with the Valkyrie, her feelings for the doctor had never quite been clear. They never seemed to get along but Bo felt that there had been a sort of mutual understanding between the two, especially at the end.

Tamsin didn't make eye contact but nodded. "And everyone else?"

"Kenzi was the same. Her time finally came and now she gets to be with Hale again. I think that's all she ever really wanted, you know? After he died and she lived in Spain. But she accepted that it wasn't her time and I think knowing she'd see him again kept her going." Tamsin smiled as Bo spoke gently, knowing what she was saying to be true. She'd seen Kenzi in Valhalla, briefly, and Acacia had finally granted her and Hale the wedding that always seemed to slip through their fingers. "She had a thing going with Dyson back there for a while though."

Tamsin laughed at that. The two of them together seemed like a total mismatch and yet at the same time entirely plausible. They cared about the same things and always seemed to have the same end goal.

"I think it was more companionship than anything else. He knew she'd always love Hale and she knew about the whole 'wolves mate for life' thing, so it worked between them."

"But D-man's still around, yeah?" Tamsin asked.

"Oh yeah, he's still around. He still keeps The Dal going with Mark. They've even been encouraging some of the younger fae to stay unaligned. It just wasn't the same there for me, after everything. I had to get away so I've been moving cities a lot, that's how I ended up here. It didn't feel like home any more without Kenzi so I guess I just went back to the life I knew before her in a way. A lot's changed without you there, we all missed you."

"Thanks," Tamsin said with her signature eye roll, chugging a beer she had ordered mid-conversation. Thank the fae Gods for Valkyrie tolerance.

"Don't," the brunette demanded.

"Don't what?"

"Don't act like you don't care, Tamsin. I thought we'd gotten past this. I thought we were friends!" Bo's voice was gradually becoming higher pitched with frustration.

"Well, I've had a lot of time to think about it, okay? It's not like you've been there." Tamsin controlled herself. She wasn't going to start having a drunken shouting match in the middle of a bar; she was about 1000 years too old for that shit. "And please, we were never _just_ friends."

"Not like I've been there for you? Tamsin, I thought you were dead! Stop, just wait a minute!" Bo called after the older fae who had gotten up from the bar and was making her way outside.

Abruptly, Tamsin turned, forcing Bo to almost walk into her so that they were nose to nose. There were very few times when Tamsin had thought about the height difference between the two. There had been very few times when it mattered. Bo's energy always seemed so bright, it made up for how small she could really be, how afraid, how much her empathy took its toll on her but at this moment in time the difference was obvious.

"No, you stop." Tamsin's voice was cold. It was a tone Bo hadn't heard since they'd first met. Maybe she hadn't even heard it then, not in its full force. It was the sort of voice warriors followed into battle, detached, strong, no room for argument. "You don't get to do this anymore. You don't get to care just because someone is suddenly convenient or available to you. You don't get to suddenly treat people like they matter because you're so afraid of being left alone."

"Well you don't get to put me up on a pedestal anymore! I am not some sort of… some sort of magical… blue and brown eyed… unicorn who shouldn't exist! I exist, Tamsin. I'm here. I'm _me_."

"And I'm me."

"Oh, could you just not be so you for, like, a minute?" Bo yelled, adding, "Please?" as an afterthought. She had a hold of the Valkyrie by the lapels of her jacket, shaking her as if it would make the information sink in any further.

Then she reached up and kissed her. It wasn't a decision she'd needed to think about – she'd always been more of a lover than a fighter. She relaxed when, to her surprise, she felt Tamsin kiss her back. Her hand tangled into blonde hair and pulled the taller woman closer, trying to press harder against her and convey all the emotions she'd never fully allowed herself feel around her because if she had, it would have all been too much. For a moment, they got lost in each other.

Tamsin was the one to break the kiss but she didn't pull away. Their foreheads stayed resting against the others and Tamsin's arms still held her waist tightly.

"Bo," she murmured without opening her eyes. This time her voice wasn't like before, it had lost its distance, its cool confidence. This time it was afraid, sad, begging for reassurance.

"I never meant to make you feel like you didn't matter to me," Bo whispered, her voice almost breathless. "But I did and I'm sorry. Kenzi, she was my heart, a missing part of me. Dyson pledged his loyalty, Trick mentored me when I had no one to show me the way and with Lauren, well, I think at the time I wanted to need her as much as she needed me. She reminded me what it was like to be human. But that doesn't mean it wasn't real with her. It was real with you too and I ignored that when I shouldn't have. You were like a bit of all of them rolled into one, you trusted me and made me trust myself and I took advantage of that and broke that trust in so many ways. You were always so strong and independent and I admired that so much. I didn't feel ready; I wasn't ready to have someone like you in my life. But I am now. The truth is that you mattered to me so much that it terrified me. I know I've said it before but _I thought you were incredible._ "

Tamsin's eyes finally opened and caught hers, a bright, clear green shining down at her. Suddenly Bo's back slammed against a wall and Tamsin's smile became almost predatory, her lips hovered above Bo's, teasingly, waiting for that one last move.

"I love you, I always have." Bo confirmed, just in case it hadn't been clear enough before.

"I love you too," Tamsin told her before leaning in those last couple of millimetres and claiming Bo for her own, finally. Somewhere in there, there was an implied ' _I never stopped_ ' and somewhere in Valhalla Acacia was yelling at them for being such idiots.

"But 'magical unicorn'?" Tamsin questioned between breaths, "Really?"

 ** _That's been gone_ ,  
 _but it used to be mine._**

* * *

 **Do your teeth hurt yet? Good. Then my job is done.  
**

 **In all seriousness, I haven't finished anything I've written in over a year and this probably isn't in character at all. So I would really appreciate the feedback if you wrote a _REVIEW_ , good or bad. C'mon, feed the writing bug that finally bit me again. Thank you!**


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